Ice Flower
by SirArtemiss
Summary: For someone in particular.


I only ask of you to not share anything in this with anyone else.

To the person that brought me unbridled pain and joy in the past two years of my life.  
To the person that loved me as she did her family.

To the person that showed me love isn't something you always know the feeling of.

To the person that showed me love in general.

And to the person that I will never stop loving, even if she doesn't feel the same way.

 **Ice Flower**

As a start, when we first met, I thought you were annoying. As annoying as the rest of everyone I had to meet on Xypher, even though we only met once or twice. After the unfortunate shutdown of Xypher, I met you again on Verian, and I started to grow just a little bit more attached. I was actually quite vocal about how I liked you as the Spartan AI, where I didn't like any other choice for the fireteam. I'm not actually sure where this all started, but I don't mind. The timing on all of this was impeccable, as I started to develop some small amount of romantic feelings for you, even though I was dating Volk at the time. We still didn't talk too much, but I remember hanging out with you occasionally in the Spartan bunks, watching stuff either alone with you or with you and Violet.

It didn't take long for me to want to leave Verian after all of the backlash with Firepaw and such. At the time, I was going through very rough post-traumatic stress, given the whole Nevada situation. As such, I went to the few people I could trust, who were at the time, Firepaw and Sans. I hung out with Firepaw more, since Sans was still in school at the time and wasn't awake when I was. I would play GTA V with Firepaw, just fucking around while he did drug running. One night, he went afk to get some food, and I got a message from you.

That one message sparked it all.

You told me about your past, about your family, about how your twin brother used to beat you with a metal pole, about how your sister is generally a terrible person, that your dad is abusive. There wasn't a lot you _didn't_ tell me, and that raised my trust in you exponentially. A day doesn't go by without me remembering that night. This was probably where the feeling I had for you, I started to notice.

After Firepaw left me, I started hanging out with Ares and Will more. After Ares and Will, I hung out with Wash and his girlfriend at the time, Sierra, on Minecraft pretty often. We would talk while we built stuff on Violet's server. I remember being in a mine trying to find a specific material in order to make a tank. As I was mining, Sierra mentioned you being transgender. Since I also was at the time, I was interested in why. That prompted me to message you about it, and it got us talking again. And then I started hanging out with you more.

Once we were hanging out more, I remember you wanting me to join Elysium, and I did, where I met Tex again. We would play CS:GO and GMod all the time, really whether I wanted to or not, but I kept at it since I had increasing feelings towards you.

This all cultivated into one night we spent together in a call.

In that call, we flirted around a bit.

I loved it.

In that call, we confessed our feelings towards each other in our own ways.

I loved it.

In that call, you told me you loved me.

I loved it so much.

I told you I love you so much.

I loved it even more.

That night, I went to bed ecstatic.

I could barely even sleep.

When I woke up, I remember checking my phone and messaging you just to make sure that this wasn't a prank, that I had actually managed to hook up with someoneI genuinely loved.

A feat I wasn't able to accomplish before.

When you told me that it was all real, I almost screamed.

I almost cried.

Every positive emotion shot through me in an instant, and I just knew.

I just knew I was in love.

However, things didn't last like that for very long.

Things were deteriorating for me mentally, and my way of coping with it was to seclude myself, and to do that in any way, shape, and form.

This caused me to lie to you.

A lot.

And I'm still sorry for every single breath I wasted with trying to tell you I was alright

That I was okay.

Eventually, this ended with a few-day breakup, which helped me put things into perspective, but it wasn't enough before I wanted back.

And so we were back.

And you didn't trust me.

For good reason.

I don't blame you for it, but it didn't help.

It felt like I was on my own again, but I didn't want to lose you.

So I kept up the appearance that I was okay.

From there to here is more of a blur than anything, and I think I can thank my concussion for that. All I can remember is that we had a rough breakup ending with me screaming and crying because of losing you during the Exterminus days. Shard was there to pick up the pieces and try to put me back together. Nothing happenedbetween us, and fuck I wish he was still here to try to help me put the pieces back together after I break.

This leads up to now.

I know you don't love me like you used to.

And it hurts

Because I still love you like you used to love me.

Now that I know what I'm feeling, I can understand what I can do with those feelings.

You make me feel safe when we talk.

I can't stop myself from re-adding you after blocking you for any amount of time.

I can't stop myself from loving you like I did the first night we got together.

I can't stop.

 **But this has to eventually.**


End file.
